‘ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR’

1. Demonstrates the ability to clearly explain their thoughts and opinions

2. Expresses thoughts and opinions using ‘first person’ language

3. Verbally distinguishes between fact and opinion

4. Articulates the reasoning behind their thoughts and opinions

5. Seeks to understand the thoughts and opinions of others by asking open questions, using

probing questions to achieve clarity

6. Demonstrates understanding of the other persons thoughts and opinions by reflecting

back their understanding and summarising

7. Identifies and expresses what they see as differences of opinion and checks that others

agree

8. Seeks ideas for solutions from others

9. Offers solutions

Would you like to see more descriptions of behavioural performance objectives? Then take a look at ‘The Managers Toolkit – 176 Behavioural Performance Objectives’ http://www.10mmt.com/e-books/ A gold mine of information and a quick and easy way to describe what you want from your staff so that you can get what you need from your staff

Joan Henshaw is the author and presenter of the video management training series ‘The 10 Minute Management Toolkit’ – the flexible, cost effective and time effective way to help managers learn how to motivate their staff to high performance. Want to learn more about how to motivate staff to high performance? Watch videos and claim your free e-book at http://www.10mmt.com

DEALING WITH REQUESTS

1. Asks questions to fully understand the request to ensure clarity about: 

• The size and complexity of the task i.e. the level of detail / accuracy needed, how much research needs undertaking, what the ‘end product’ should look like e.g. a two page summary or a full report?
• The deadline – when, specifically, the task needs to be completed 
• The  importance of the task and deadline

 2. Uses relevant facts in order to make a decision on whether to accept or decline the request e.g.

• The time needed to complete the work vs. the time available to meet the deadline
• The time needed to complete work on hand of equal importance
• The relative urgency / importance of other work on hand

 3. Assesses the consequence, or cost, of accepting the request as a way of deciding whether to accept or decline e.g.

• The new task would take 2 hours (fact)
• The task I am currently working on will take 4 hours and must be completed by 5pm (fact)
• The task I am currently working on has the highest priority (fact)
• To take on the new task now would mean I would miss the 5pm deadline on the current task (consequence)

 4. When refusing a request, explains that decision to the other party by

• Explaining the difficulty in meeting the request and why – using the objective criteria.
• Explaining what the (negative) consequences would be of accepting the request.
• Explaining that they are unable to accept the request

 5. If appropriate, looks for some compromise solution e.g.

• Offering to accept the work – but with a longer deadline
• Offering to accept part of the work
• Offering ideas on how the work could be completed by someone else

Joan Henshaw is the author and presenter of the video management training series ‘The 10 Minute Management Toolkit’ – the flexible, cost effective and time effective way to help managers learn how to motivate their staff to high performance. Want to learn more about how to motivate staff to high performance? Watch videos and claim your free e-book at http://www.10mmt.com

My view is that it’s useful for staff to have a more structured approach for evaluating processes and that SWOT can help with that. Here is the outcome of the work I did with those managers (using the example of the evaluation of a new system).

Strengths

What do you think works well with the system?

What have been the benefits of using the system?

What does this system give the customers?

How does it help you reduce waste, increase efficiency, improve quality of service?

How has the system improved the way you work?

Weaknesses

Is there anything that doesn’t work well?

Are there any weaknesses in the system?

Have you encountered any problems or impediments?

Is there anything you don’t think adds value?

Are customers saying there’s a problem?

Opportunities

What needs to be improved?

How could we do that?

What are we missing that could work well?

How can we overcome the weaknesses?

Threats

Is there anything outside the team / unit that is having a negative impact on the effectiveness of the system – that’s threatening its effectiveness?

In what ways could we mitigate that threat?

A start point is to give your staff member time and support in preparing for the meeting. How?

Take a look at this checklist that you could use with your staff member to help them prepare:

PERFORMANCE REVIEW / APPRAISAL CHECKLIST – STAFF MEMBER

In order to prepare for our performance review/appraisal meeting I’d like you to consider the following:

1. Your performance against the agreed objectives

Please bring examples of work which demonstrates your achievement of the objectives:

• Identifying achievements and successes
• Identifying areas for improvement
• Highlighting any barriers to performance
• Including examples of special projects or work done ‘above and beyond’ the objectives

2. Review of performance objectives

Please consider:

• Any changes facing the team or business that will require new performance objectives
• Any performance objectives that are no longer appropriate or need amending

3. Areas for development

Please consider any development needs you might have. These might relate to:

• Building on your strengths
• Addressing any areas requiring improvement
• Meeting future challenges

4. Your job satisfaction

Please consider the following questions:

• What gives you the most satisfaction in your work?
• How could we ensure you maintain or improve your satisfaction?
• Are there any other ways you and I could improve your job satisfaction?
• Is there anything I could do; more of, less of, or differently in order to improve your job satisfaction?

My advice is to take control of the ‘coaching process’ – to make it easy for your manager to provide the coaching you need. Here’s some ideas on how to do that.

Define the purpose of the coaching

A start point is to define the purpose of the coaching session i.e.:

• What you need to know or learn
• Why you need to know or learn this

It’s far easier for a manager to respond to a request which specifies what the person needs to know, rather than ‘can you give me some coaching’. It’s also more likely a manager will want to find the time for the coaching when they understand why it’s important.

Here’s an example:

Hi Claire. I wanted to ask you if you would have some time to talk through with me how you have built your network of contacts. I need some help on understanding how to identify contacts and how then to approach those people. I recognise I need to start building a network so that I can promote our business more effectively but I’m not sure where to start. Would you be happy to spend some time talking this through with me? When would be a good time for you?

Use effective questions

What and How questions

Seek to understand what another person does, or would do, in any given situation:

• How did you build your network of contacts?
• What do you do to identify suitable contacts?
• What happens when a person you contact doesn’t seem interested?
• How do you maintain the relationship with contacts you have made?

Why questions

Seek to understand the reasoning or rationale behind the actions the other person has taken or the decisions they have made.

Why questions need to be used with some caution. A questioner who overuses why is running the risk of pushing the other person into being evasive, aggressive or just uncooperative.

A more effective way to access the information or opinion needed is to re-phrase the question using what, how, or when or a statement made in a questioning tone of voice:

Instead of ‘Why did you do that?’ try ‘What’s the main reason you took that approach?’

Instead of ‘Why did you not follow up that contact?’ try ‘What were the reasons for not following up that particular contact?’

Instead of ‘Why do you say that?’ try ‘How does that…?’

Summarising and closing

It is useful at the end of the coaching session to summarise what you have heard, to check that you have fully understood, and to describe what you will now do as a result of the session. And, of course, you will also want to thank the person for their time and input.

Most managers are long on work and short on time. Though most would like to coach their staff more often they find it difficult to make this a priority. This technique is all about making it easy for your manager, or anybody else, to give you the coaching you need.

Some years ago I worked with the MD of a commercial publishing business. I had spent a day facilitating a business planning session with him and his senior management team. At the very end of the day, and apropos of nothing as far as I could see, he did the following:

1. Pushed back his chair onto two legs and opened his own legs, thereby elevating his crotch area to roughly the eye level of his team sitting opposite (I know this sounds unlikely, but he managed it).

2. Held out his arms and made ‘come on’ gestures with his hands (hold arms straight out, palms upwards, and flex fingers repeatedly towards palms – give it a try and you’ll see what I mean), frowned and then said:

“Feedback, now, from you to me. Tell me what you think of me.”

Stunned silence.

3. After the senior management team (sans delivery of feedback) had left, he said to me:

“D’you know. That always happens. Why don’t people ever want to give feedback to their managers?”

What’s the problem?

a) If you’ve managed to visualise the body language from my description, you’ll have noticed some pretty obvious lack of congruence between that body language and the verbal message. Clearly, there’s little point asking for feedback if your body language is screaming ‘don’t tell me, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.’

b) The ‘what do you think of me’ question is just too tough. With a question like this you are asking for feedback on yourself – your characteristics and personality. The ‘what do you think of me as your manager’ is a little better, but not much. Most people find it difficult to give this type of feedback because it’s just too personal.

So how can I ask for feedback on my management style?

The answer is make it easy (or at least easier) by making the question ‘low risk’. You do this by asking for feedback on your behaviours – what you do, not who you are.

Here’s a really neat way to ask for feedback from your staff:

“I’d really appreciate some feedback on the way I’m managing you. So, is there anything I could do differently that would be helpful to you?”

Not only are you asking here for behavioural feedback, you’re asking for a way forward by asking what they would like to be ‘different’.

And, of course, you’ll be using congruent body language because you’ll be genuinely interested in the response.

Research shows that that ‘being clear about what’s expected of them’ motivates staff to perform well. I suppose then, theoretically, then that it shouldn’t really matter how you communicate your need for new behaviours.

But of course it does matter. As I’m sure you already know, most people don’t like having new ideas which relate to the way they work, their behaviours, imposed on them. People usually have more commitment to something they co-create.

Here’s a useful framework for communicating new behaviours.

Communicating new behaviours – 3 steps

Explanation

This is all about setting the context for the change – in this case the changes you need in your staff’s behaviours.

When you want to ask your staff to make a change to their behaviours, the way they work, it’s a good idea to associate this with a change facing the business.

If you want your staff to be more effective team players, how will more effective team playing help the business meet the challenge of the change? Is it about needing to improve efficiency? Will more effective team playing improve customer service?

Most people can understand the need to make a change to their behaviours when it’s related to a bigger change – a business change. It just makes more sense to them.

Exploration

The idea here is to involve your staff in defining what the new behaviours should look like – in order to best build their commitment and motivation. Let’s take the example of ‘effective team playing’.

Options for involving your staff in defining new behaviours

1. Give them your description of effective team playing—as a draft—and ask them to make suggestions for improvement. Here’s a tip: be sure to make the description you’ve written look like a draft. Have some typos, crossing out, and so on. It’s hard to amend something that’s so perfect it looks like the finished version.
2. Give them a relevant description of effective team playing that someone else has written. For example, from a colleague, from a definition you’ve found from the internet or from my upcoming  e-book ‘176 Behavioural Performance Descriptions’ and ask them edit, amend, improve, add. (Contact me for more information on the e-book.)
3. Explain how to define behaviours and ask them to write a draft description of effective team playing.

How do you choose which option?

I’d suggest the most effective way is to ask your staff what they would prefer.

Some staff would really dislike option 1 – they want to define the behaviours (option 3).

Some staff won’t want option 3 – they’d rather you show them what you have (option 1).

Some may want you just to tell them what you want. No problem.

Agreement

This is about you and your staff member bringing together your descriptions of what effective team playing looks like and agreeing a final definition. I’d suggest you then define this as a performance objective and incorporate it into your performance review or appraisal system in the usual way.

And, of course, you’ll need to agree any coaching or support your staff need in applying these new behaviours into practice.

In summary, it’s all about clarity and ‘adult to adult’ conversation.

So what’s going on?

Putting aside the fact that it’s likely that some of our survey participants feel they should be praised for turning up every morning, my view is that managers are sometimes reluctant to give praise because they’ve had experiences of being praised themselves in ways that, frankly, haven’t motivated them at all.

And, of course, they’re not over keen on having the same effect on their staff.

It’s actually quite easy to deliver praise badly – praise that is seen as patronising or manipulative by the recipient. But done well, it’s dynamite.

Here are five ways to do it well.

1. Prepare the praise

It’s interesting that many of the managers I know will spend literally hours preparing to give criticism, but only a matter of minutes (if at all) preparing to give praise.

The result? A passing comment (literally) on the lines of ‘nice job Doug, keep it up.’

Say what? Which job? The whole job? Keep what up? Not only is this type of praise confusing but, by and large, it’s not wildly motivating. Top tip: spend as much time preparing to give praise as you would to give criticism.

2. Be specific

Describe exactly what you are praising and why. Try the following method:

• When you…
• What happened was…
• And the result is…

For example:

“When I showed the client the research you had done on their business she said she was really impressed by the insights you had provided. The result is she wants us to make a proposal for a further piece of business. That’s a really good outcome for us so thank you and well done.”

3. Show genuine interest

Ask questions to better understand what the staff member did. For example, what preparation they did for a successful presentation, how they managed to design such effective visual aids.

Describe how you feel about what they’ve done e.g. pleased, impressed, excited (the hug and kiss might be slightly over doing it).

4. Let the praise stand alone

Don’t be tempted to mix the praise with criticism, for example:

“That was a great presentation. If only your written work was as good.”

Deal with the written work issue at a different time unless, of course, you’re a fan of the tall poppy syndrome.

5. Do it quickly and time it well

Give your praise as soon after the event as possible – it has far more impact.

Be careful not to give the praise at a time when it will appear conditional or a ‘softening up’ process, such as just before you delegate a task or ask for the person to work late.

Public or private?

There’s an old saying ‘praise in public, criticise in private’.

Though I wholeheartedly agree with the latter I’m not totally convinced by the former.

Of course the principle is sound. We want other staff to hear the praise and understand what we are praising because we hope that they will want to emulate those behaviours or achievements. But not everyone is comfortable being singled out in this way and some people find accepting praise in front of their colleagues embarrassing.

My advice would be to deliver the praise in private. You can then ask the staff member if they are happy for you to share the praise with their colleagues – say in the next team meeting – and take it from there.

And a few final tips

If the performance you are praising is exceptional, you will probably want to bring this to the attention of your boss and possibly higher.

If you have a reward system which is credible you may want to utilise this.

In any event, it’s a good idea to follow up your conversation with the staff member in writing (a note will do) and to copy that note to your performance files.

I was recently talking to a manager who was complaining that some of her staff had a tendency to accept work from her which, it later transpired, they did not have the time to do (or at least to the deadline she had set). She just couldn’t understand why her staff didn’t seem to have the ability to say to her ‘no’ or ‘not now’, and she was frustrated by the problems this was causing.

This conversation reminded me of a piece of work a client asked me to undertake, for many of the same reasons as our unhappy manager, which was to train his staff in how to assertively deal with requests.

The following is a summary of the step process I taught his staff and their managers, which they then took on as ‘the way we say no around here’.

Step 1: Ensure you fully understand the request

Ask questions, listen, ask more questions until you are crystal clear on:

• The size and complexity of the task i.e. the level of detail or accuracy needed, how much research needs undertaking, what the ‘end product’ should look like e.g. a two page summary or a full report?
• The deadline – when, specifically, the task needs to be completed (and challenging any ‘asap’ type responses)
• The  importance of the task and deadline

Step 2: Use relevant facts in order to make a decision on whether to accept or decline the request

Such as:

• The time needed to complete the work vs. the time available to meet the deadline
• The time needed to complete work on hand of equal importance
• The relative urgency or importance of other work on hand

Step 3: Assesses the consequence, or cost, of accepting the request as a way of deciding whether to accept or decline

Example:

• The new task would take 2 hours (fact)
• The task I am currently working on will take 4 hours and must be completed by 5pm (fact)
• The task I am currently working on has the highest priority (fact)
• To take on the new task now would mean I would miss the 5pm deadline on the current task (consequence)

Step 4: If you decide to refuse the request, explain that decision to the other party

• Explain that you have a difficulty in meeting the request and why – using the fact
• Explain what the (negative) consequences would be of you accepting the request
• Explain that, therefore, you are unable to accept the request

Step 5: If appropriate, look for some compromise solution

Such as:

• Offering to accept the work – but with a longer deadline
• Offering to accept part of the work
• Offering ideas on how the work could be completed by someone else

Benefits of using the 5 step process

1. With the staff who find it difficult to say ‘no’ or ‘not now’

Sharing this process with your staff gives those who need it both the tools and the permission to say ‘no’ or ‘not now’.

2. With the staff who don’t find it difficult

Of course some staff members have no issue at all with saying ‘no’, and sometimes quite the opposite. The usefulness of sharing the process with these people is that it clearly describes your expectations around how they make the decision to accept or refuse work – based on fact and consequence rather than, say, inflexibility or just not liking the look of the task.

3. When you need the answer to be ‘yes’

Of course it’s all about the dialogue. You, as the manager, may have knowledge of facts and consequences that your staff are unaware of. It could be that their ‘no’ really does need to be a ‘yes’.

The usefulness of the 5 steps, and the dialogue they generate, is the clarity achieved.

The staff member is much less likely to feel ‘dumped on’ or coerced into accepting a task if they have had the opportunity to explain their facts and consequences and if they have had explained to them, in detail, why the new task is a higher priority – based on facts.

We all know what a powerful tool listening is. We know that when people feel listened to they also feel valued, respected and engaged. Yet, I’m often told by the clients I work with that they don’t feel listened to at work.

Of course, there are many barriers to listening effectively.

For example, have you ever found it difficult to listen to someone when:

1. You know the solution to the problem they are talking through?
2. You felt sure you know what they’re going to say next?
3. When you can see they are missing the point?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, or you know you could listen better some of the time, you could try this simple technique taught to me some years ago by a wonderful man called Alan Mumford.

At the time Alan was coaching me in facilitation skills and talking about how to judge when to speak out (make an intervention) and when to keep quiet. His advice was:

“The first time I feel I want to intervene, I keep quiet. The second time I feel the need, I do the same. If I feel for a third time that I need to say something then, and only then, do I speak up. Very often if I wait until the third time, I won’t need to speak at all.”

Here’s a way of applying this technique in a one to one conversation.

Step One

The first time you want to speak, hold your tongue. If the other person has ‘dried up’ ask a question instead of offering an opinion or solution e.g. ‘Tell me more about…’

Step Two

The second time you want to speak, do the same. If another question isn’t appropriate, try reflecting back what you’ve heard so far and asking the other person to check that you have understood them e.g. ‘So I think what you’re saying is that… Have I got that right?’

Step Three

If you still want to speak then go ahead.

A way to keep the conversation flowing and to help you stay in ‘listening mode’ is to frame your suggestions as questions rather than directions e.g. ‘have you thought about involving your team in this?’ then ‘how do you think you can best do this?’ rather than ‘you need to involve the team and here’s the best way to do it…’

This technique works well in any situation where it’s important to give another person the opportunity to work out a solution for themselves, or when you just want to give someone some good quality ‘air time’. It’s a neat technique, easy to learn, easy to apply, and very effective.